I miss being a child.
I remember when my greatest concern was whether or not I would be permitted to go outside. If I was stuck inside, I would manage to make the best of my day (speeding down the stairs in a pillowcase was one of my favorite sports), but I would much rather be outdoors where I could climb trees, sing to the animals, make tunnels through tall weeds, and dig in the dirt. How wonderful it was to have a mind untouched by the rules, voices and cares of this world.
Somewhere along the way, life got complicated.
Paying bills, doing taxes, working to pay bills and do taxes, budgeting, responsibilities here, commitments there, keeping one eye on the presidential campaign while keeping the other on gas prices. Granted, these things are all a part of this vapor of life on earth, but how I often long to toss my inhibitions aside and forget every concern. For those cares tend to wrap me up and rob me of the simplicity of faith.
I am awed by the way Jesus illustrated the Kingdom of God and its inheritors. He didn't point to the educated, the powerful, the greatly influential, or the wealthy. He pointed to birds, flowers and children. None of which have an impression to make, a reputation to withhold or a status to achieve. Self-righteous cities could not comprehend this, and Jesus gave thanks. (Mat. 11:25)
If my life had a theme song, I think it would be "Gideon" by Jason Upton...
I don't have the power,
I don't even have a clue.
I don't know all the answers,
I don't even know a few.
And if I were really honest,
And the truth were known of me,
It may sound a little funny,
But this is what my prayer would be...
I don't know what to do,
But my eyes are You.
Much of the time, I feel like a tongue-tied fool who has little to offer, and I certainly don't have the answers for many things even in my own life - but I do know how to look to my Father and that's all I need. Praise God, I don't have to figure everything out! What a pressure-lift in the midst of a super-driven culture that wants to demystify everything. It is the simple trusting ones whom He uses to destroy the influence of evil over men's lives. Those who just trust as they walk through life. They go through the fire, and they're singing.
That's who I want to be.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
cheers to the parentals
growing up, i always had a hard time understanding my parents... and agreeing with them... and getting along with them... i swore i would be different from them when i was a parent someday.
aren't our parents typically the people we say we would least want to become like?
well, over the course of 6 years of being out on my own, i've been able to take a big step back and realize how many outstanding qualities my parents have that i never appreciated. living close to them while in my years of greatest immaturity, i only saw their flaws. they were wrong, i was right, i was the one being misunderstood, they were too harsh, i knew everything, did everything right, and had everything i needed to go out and rule the world.
good thing i never tried.
my perspective has changed quite a lot. and it has helped that i have been humbled through many mistakes and confrontations with the real world.
i want to be like my dad.
he has walked one of the toughest roads and has overcome. he was in the marines, fought in the vietnam war, was a policeman in downtown denver during the night shift for 26 years, he lost my mother in a car accident which he himself barely survived. he's seen things that would cause me to have nightmares for the rest of my life. but somehow, he is sane. he is a farmer now, doing all his own work and repairs. he is strong, but his heart is tender. he has character. he's one of the most honest people i know - no impressions to make. and he's certainly not afraid to offend someone when they need some sense knocked into them... but i've seen him adore the beauty in simple things and be moved to tears by the melody of "amazing grace." yes, he may come off rough and gruff at first acquaintance, but he's really a burnt marshmallow: a little crusty on the outside, but sweet and gooey on the inside.
i want to be like my step-mother.
no, i did not appreciate her one bit when my dad first married her and long after. i made sure she knew it year after year. but a couple of Christmases ago, i apologized for the inconsiderate stubbornness of my youngin-ness and told her i truly am thankful for and admire her. she is loyal to my dad and takes care of him. she is submissive to him and follows his lead. she supports him and helps him be even more of who he is. she never complains, never bickers, never nags. she is a hard worker with a quiet strength.
ah... the things and people we take for granted when we think we are above them all.
aren't our parents typically the people we say we would least want to become like?
well, over the course of 6 years of being out on my own, i've been able to take a big step back and realize how many outstanding qualities my parents have that i never appreciated. living close to them while in my years of greatest immaturity, i only saw their flaws. they were wrong, i was right, i was the one being misunderstood, they were too harsh, i knew everything, did everything right, and had everything i needed to go out and rule the world.
good thing i never tried.
my perspective has changed quite a lot. and it has helped that i have been humbled through many mistakes and confrontations with the real world.
i want to be like my dad.
he has walked one of the toughest roads and has overcome. he was in the marines, fought in the vietnam war, was a policeman in downtown denver during the night shift for 26 years, he lost my mother in a car accident which he himself barely survived. he's seen things that would cause me to have nightmares for the rest of my life. but somehow, he is sane. he is a farmer now, doing all his own work and repairs. he is strong, but his heart is tender. he has character. he's one of the most honest people i know - no impressions to make. and he's certainly not afraid to offend someone when they need some sense knocked into them... but i've seen him adore the beauty in simple things and be moved to tears by the melody of "amazing grace." yes, he may come off rough and gruff at first acquaintance, but he's really a burnt marshmallow: a little crusty on the outside, but sweet and gooey on the inside.
i want to be like my step-mother.
no, i did not appreciate her one bit when my dad first married her and long after. i made sure she knew it year after year. but a couple of Christmases ago, i apologized for the inconsiderate stubbornness of my youngin-ness and told her i truly am thankful for and admire her. she is loyal to my dad and takes care of him. she is submissive to him and follows his lead. she supports him and helps him be even more of who he is. she never complains, never bickers, never nags. she is a hard worker with a quiet strength.
ah... the things and people we take for granted when we think we are above them all.
Monday, February 18, 2008
my compassion experience
i have had the honor of sponsoring 2 children through compassion international for about 3 and a half years now, and i have been more impacted and blessed by the experience than i ever thought $64 a month could buy. i started my sponsorship of mohan from india and gerald from the philippines with the thought of "oh, i am just going to give of my finances and make the life of a couple impoverished children better" as if i don't have any needs because i am an american with a steady job. the sponsorship turned out to be so much more than that... and i have been greatly humbled in my thinking.
both mohan and gerald were too young to write when i first started sponsoring, so i was corresponded to by mohan's instructor gerald's mother. at the end of those letters would be a bright-colored scribble from the not-so-nimble fingers of both. gerald's mother always expressed heartfelt gratitude for "caring about gerald and our family." once mohan began to write, he would address the letter "dear mommy sarah". both kids have asked what they can be praying for in my life - two impoverished little children asking me what MY needs are. this sort of launched me into a deeper evaluation of my heart. i began to think, well... i guess i could use some prayer that the Lord would help me not to place my trust in the things i have and the conveniences that come with living in this country, for starters.
now, the list is much longer. i've realised i may be in even greater need for God's hand to move in my life, because i have so much to be comfortable with. these children believe for things, because they have so much to believe for!
scribbles have become stick figures, stick figures have become pretty flowers, pretty flowers have become (almost) 3-dimensional huts. i have never met these precious children in person, but i feel as though i've been watching them grow all along.
i trust compassion and the work God is doing through that ministry. i've never been given a reason to doubt their integrity or their heart behind everything they do. and i love that they are so set apart from all the other sponsorship organizations. these children are given so much more than food in their mouths and clothing on their backs. they are given an education, they are being taught life-skills and are given the abilities and tools they need to impact their communities, they have the opportunity to build relationships with peers and elders who love them genuinely, and most importantly, they are presented with the gospel message in all its truth. the lie of poverty and worthlessness that entangles these precious children is being broken off in every way.
what an honor it is to be a part of releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name, and what an ironic beauty it is to have these children be a part of losening the bonds of disguised poverty in my own life.
if you ever want to have the greatest experience $32 a month could buy and make an eternal impact in the life of a child (and your own), sponsor a child. and write to them. they cherish the letters they receive from their sponsors, and the letters they write in return are definitely to be cherished, too.
http://www.compassion.com/
both mohan and gerald were too young to write when i first started sponsoring, so i was corresponded to by mohan's instructor gerald's mother. at the end of those letters would be a bright-colored scribble from the not-so-nimble fingers of both. gerald's mother always expressed heartfelt gratitude for "caring about gerald and our family." once mohan began to write, he would address the letter "dear mommy sarah". both kids have asked what they can be praying for in my life - two impoverished little children asking me what MY needs are. this sort of launched me into a deeper evaluation of my heart. i began to think, well... i guess i could use some prayer that the Lord would help me not to place my trust in the things i have and the conveniences that come with living in this country, for starters.
now, the list is much longer. i've realised i may be in even greater need for God's hand to move in my life, because i have so much to be comfortable with. these children believe for things, because they have so much to believe for!
scribbles have become stick figures, stick figures have become pretty flowers, pretty flowers have become (almost) 3-dimensional huts. i have never met these precious children in person, but i feel as though i've been watching them grow all along.
i trust compassion and the work God is doing through that ministry. i've never been given a reason to doubt their integrity or their heart behind everything they do. and i love that they are so set apart from all the other sponsorship organizations. these children are given so much more than food in their mouths and clothing on their backs. they are given an education, they are being taught life-skills and are given the abilities and tools they need to impact their communities, they have the opportunity to build relationships with peers and elders who love them genuinely, and most importantly, they are presented with the gospel message in all its truth. the lie of poverty and worthlessness that entangles these precious children is being broken off in every way.
what an honor it is to be a part of releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name, and what an ironic beauty it is to have these children be a part of losening the bonds of disguised poverty in my own life.
if you ever want to have the greatest experience $32 a month could buy and make an eternal impact in the life of a child (and your own), sponsor a child. and write to them. they cherish the letters they receive from their sponsors, and the letters they write in return are definitely to be cherished, too.
http://www.compassion.com/
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